A mother or an artist first?

Have you seen the movie "Who Does She Think She Is?"?  It is really inspiring, especially if you are an artist and a mother.  Actually every woman should see it because it touches on something for all of us as women.
I became an artist after I had kids.  I thought it would be the perfect way to stay at home with my children and bring in some income for my family.  I thought it would be easy....haha.  What soon happened was I uncovered my deepest desire was this need to create.  Images flood my head constantly and I needed to get them out.  I did not know how much this was a part of me until after I had my children.  In my twenties I was pretty aimless.  I was happy waiting tables to make money to go out and see live music and drink a pint or two of Guinness.  I didn't have the depth and wisdom I own now, and I doubt my artwork would have held much meaning then.
I can't say I am not more than a little jealous of female artists in their twenties who are often single, but even when they are not they do not have kids.  I imagine them locked in their studios all day painting away with no one tugging on their shirt sleeve asking when dinner is going to be ready.  I guess it is just my fate that I didn't discover this desire to be an artist until late, but also I had another desire that hit me in my mid twenties....I wanted to have a baby.
I had my first child at 27, and my second at 30.  I didn't start painting until my youngest was about 2, so only about 5 years ago.  I remember when she was 2 I was working in soft pastels.  She always wanted to (and still does) draw with me while I was working.  I set up a little easel for her in my studio next to mine.  I remember once I wasn't looking and she decided to add a bunch of scribbles with a sharpie to a beautiful angel with a dove I just completed.  I think that was the first moment I realized I had a conflict within me.  What was more important to me, my children or my art.
Now that may sound crazy and selfish.  Of course my children mean the world to me, they mean everything to me.....and yet, they are not all of me.  They actually do not define me as much as my art does.  I have known a lot of my mom friends that do define themselves by their children.  I have watched them deal with depression as their children grow and they begin to realize they need another definition or they are going to disappear.
So I have this art, and yet I struggle constantly with guilt.  Am I ignoring my kids to paint?  Yes, and no.  They get to see a woman following her deepest desire.  They get to see a woman who will give up so many things to follow her dream.  And also, they get to see me struggle inside when they ask me to play while I am in the middle of a painting.....and just as many times as I say "not right now", they hear "okay".  I do give up painting a lot for them, but I say no to them too.  It is a fine balance that I struggle with constantly.
So obviously this movie has me thinking a lot about us mom artists.  I am toying with the idea of creating some kind of artist collective of mom artists.  I would like it to be a group of really good mom artists that are really making it as professional artists....to show the world it can be done.  It's just a thought.  But for now I am thinking I might start a little group on Facebook and maybe start another blog.  I am not very good at writing in this one, so that might be too much for me.  But I would like to start a blog that highlights an amazing mom artist each week with an interview that touches on subjects like I just talked about above.  You rarely hear that kind of personal struggle in an artist interview.  Most artists interviews are full of a bunch of intangible philosophical dribble that really doesn't inspire you.  I think it would help a lot of women to hear how an artist struggles everyday to balance her life, and yet still follow her soul's calling.
So please let me know what you think.  Would you like to read a blog like that, or maybe be involved in whatever comes out of it.

Collaboration with Stephanie Allison

Stephanie Allison and I have decided to do a fun little collaboration.  We each are going to paint half a canvas and then mail it to the other one to finish the other half.  I started on an 11x14 canvas panel and thought I would give you all a step by step look at how it evolves.  After I send it off to Stephanie she is going to do the same at her blog, so be sure to follow the whole progression over there.
I often post a few wips of my work over on my Facebook page, but rarely do I remember to take photos at every step.  Since this one was a small quick piece I tried to stop myself and take some photos.  I wanted to especially show you how much I often struggle to get the perfect skin tone and hair color on my girls.  Unfortunately with me, it is often just guesss work and not really an exact science.  So here we go:

The beginning sketch above.  With a quick wash of ultramarine blue below (after I sprayed it with a light layer of workable fixative).

When I first start adding skin tones they can look a mess for awhile.  Adding fixative over the canvas makes the first layers of paint not stick so well too.  I have to lay down a lot of thin layers early on and let them each dry.  At first they can look a mess for awhile, but I try my best to add the shadows and dark areas first.

Below I am adding in the darks of her hair.  I am trying to figure out where to go with her skin tone.  She is a little too pink and pasty at this point.

I think I want to go blonde, but it does not look good with her skin tone.

So I added some orangey tones to her skin and decided to go dark with the hair.  Had to add a mask too.

Getting close to done now.  Just got to add the peacock details.

And here is she is all done...well at least my side.  I kind of hogged a little more than half, I hope Stephanie doesn't get annoyed with me!

Spirit Totem Drawings

I think I have mentioned in this blog before that I got my start doing art by drawing spirit guides for people.  This is basically how I learned to draw people.  About 2 years ago I decided to focus more on doing fine art, and let the guide work go.  Of course the guide work did not fully let me go.  I have struggled a little the last 2 years wondering how to bring the work back in.  A few times I thought I was ready to do it again, and then pulled it back.
Working with spirit in that way is no easy task.  I am looking into people's "stuff" and their energy and trying to make sense of it, and then drawing and painting on top of that.  With a family to raise, a house to clean, and other creations to paint, it just seemed like too much. Recently the tug to do the work has returned.  I suddenly sat down with my own name (that is the tool I use to connect with people's energies) and did a different kind of drawing.  It is a symbolic drawing more than anything, and different than just drawing the spirit guides.  Here is a little write up on my website that explains them:

These drawings contain a combination of animal and plant spirit guides, archetypal symbols, and higher dimensional energies.  Somewhat like a tarot card, these drawings trigger our subconscious mind and our deeper knowing. 

I spent many years giving tarot readings both professionally and personally and feel a deep connection to symbolism.  I feel that artists often understand the language of archetypal symbols.  With these drawings I want to create a sort of road map of your soul, almost like your own personal tarot card.

I work with your full name to uncover many of the symbols and archetypes you work with.  I use a process called Lexigramming your name to connect me with your Akashic Record, the record of your soul.  There will be a combination of about 7 animals, archetypes and/or angels in the drawing done in my unique style.  You are welcome to tell me any totems you would really like in the drawing, or you can just let me uncover them for you; or better yet, the drawing can be a combo of both.

The drawing is 8x10 inches and comes already matted in an 11x14 inch black or cream mat.  The media is graphite pencil, watercolor, and ink on cold-pressed watercolor paper.  It will also come with a note letting you know all of the symbols and their meanings.

Here are a few examples of what the drawings look like:

The faces in the drawings are more symbolic of the people's energies, a sort of combination of the goddess or god energy that they carry.  Although, the last drawing was a guide that came in and was adamant that he be drawn.

I am really feeling back in my element with this work.  I feel like a fog has lifted that I have been stuck in for the last 2 years.  I also now realize (hindsight is 20/20) that Saturn has been in Libra the last 2 years (I am a Libra) it is now starting to leave Libra and go into Scorpio.  This has really effected my life in areas of business and relationships.  I can see it as clear as day now, and it has been part of the fog that has clouded my vision when it comes to areas of my "career".

Another beautiful thing that these drawings are doing for me is helping me realize how much I really do love to draw men.  Seriously, I have only drawn women for years now.  Suddenly I am being forced to draw men again with these and I am enjoying it.  It is helping me feel more balanced actually.  I am currently working on a drawing for a man and a lot of powerful, heroic energy is coming in.  I just did his drawing but haven't added any paint yet.  I thought I would show you what it looks like in it's raw unpainted version.  I am wondering if I should just leave it like this.  I am not adding a lot of color to these, just a little watercolor, but this one almost seems perfect with no color.  We will see..... 

He reminds me of Aragorn...swoon.... ;)

If you would like to commission yourself a Totem Spirit drawing please go to my website.

Happy New Year and last painting of 2011.

I spent New Year's Eve day trying to finish my Psyche.  I started her a few weeks back, and I felt like she needed to be done before 2012.  So I barely got her finished before it was time to start ringing in the New Year.     So here she is:

"Psyche's Abandonment"

24x36 acrylic on canvas

$600.00

I think this painting sums up my 2011 in some ways.  It was a year that on some levels seemed uneventful.  I often felt like I was just going through the motions this year, and have often felt very unconnected to my spiritual self.  I almost felt like my psyche (or soul) had abandoned me.  But as 2012 approached and as I was working on this painting a new light is being birthed in me.  I can not really described it, but I know there is something re-awakening in me that has been hibernating for awhile.  

I am excited for the New Year and the direction that I want to take my art in.  I am being drawn to a lot of Christian/Gnostic imagery right now and I plan to mix it up with Pagan myth like I did in this Psyche painting.  I have some big plans for paintings, and yet I am going to have less time to paint.  I am now working at a Law office part time to make some extra money.  I am not happy about the loss of painting time, and yet I feel that making some steady money will take some pressure off of me with my art.  I do think when you are a professional artist it is easy to fall into a trap of "painting what you think will sell".  I look forward to creating out of a space of love instead out of space of survival issues this year.  

I hope you all find that Creative space of love this year.  Happy 2012!

Christmas original painting Give-Away

I have decided to give this painting away for Christmas!!!!!!

This is a 12 inch by 12 inch acrylic painting on a cradled wood panel that I painted earlier this year.  All you have to do is go to my Facebook fan page and press Like if you haven't yet.  Then go to the post with this pic of the painting and comment.  Your comment needs to be a short poem describing who this lady is.  Tell me her story in a poetic fashion.  I will pick my favorite on Sunday Dec. 18th and ship it to the winner free of charge.  I will even ship her Internationally!
I can't wait to see what you come up with!

The Birch Tree Spirit

The Birch Tree Spirit

12x16 acrylic on panel

I was originally inspired to do a Birch tree spirit after reading the book called "Celtic Tree Mysteries, Secrets of the Ogham" by Steve Blamires.    Blamires discussed in depth how the ancient Celts saw trees on physical, mental, and spiritual planes.  In Celtic shamanism trees are worked with much like animal spirit guides are in Native American shamanism.  Each tree has a spirit and a message for us and can be our allies in the Otherworld.

Birch is the first tree in the Ogham, and the one that I am most drawn to right now.  Birch trees can grow in places that other trees can not.  Infact, the Birch tree is often the colonizer of new forests.  It's leaves are light and it's bark peels off easily and falls to the ground.  It feeds and fertilizes the soil around it so that other life can grow.  It helps other trees such as Oak and Beech to grow in places they would not otherwise.  But eventually the other trees grow taller than the Birch depriving it of light and killing it off.  Therefore the Birch is a tree of new beginnings, and a tree that sacrifices itself for the benefit of others.

Birch is a wonderful tree to work with when you are starting something new or change is upon you.  Meditating on it's self-sacrificing character is very healing, for the Birch is also regenerating and has life-giving properties.  She is a true goddess tree and we can  learn a lot from this silvery lady of the woods.

Reflecting on how far I have come

I was cleaning out my basement studio space last night and came across some old drawings from 3 to 4 years ago.  I did not start posting my work online until late 2008.  I have only felt like a "professional artist" in the last 2 years or so.  Before then I just fooled around with soft pastels.  I use to do spirit drawings for people and that was really how I began drawing people.
I came across a pastel drawing I did of White Buffalo Calf Woman in early 2008.  I was so struck with how rudimentary it seemed to me now.  I always loved to draw, and I always felt like I had some inkling of talent in me.  But now I really understand that talent in art is simply discipline in some ways.  When you work out everyday you eventually get a very toned body.  Art is the same way.  Sometimes it takes years to get very toned, but it takes doing it everyday.
For the last three years I have been painting or drawing something almost constantly.  I think I am finally starting to get some art muscle, although I am sure I will look back 3 years from now and think my current work is rudimentary (I hope so).
I wanted to post this picture of White Buffalo Calf woman for those that have just started drawing, or for those that don't think their art is very good.  Hang in there and practice everyday, you will get better.  Really all it takes is wanting it, and as I am sure most of you artists will agree....wanting it more than almost anything else.

                                               and here is what all my faeries use to look like :